Some preface: I had accepted Christ before I came to college, but college was where I actually started having a relationship with Christ. Actually treating him as a God who's personal and cares about me, David -- a God who specifically loves me.
This realization clicked in my mind. Instead of praying, "Thanks for dying for our sins," I prayed, "Thanks for dying for MY sins, all the times I'VE failed."
So back to the heart of this post: Ever since college I've been searching for a daily regimen. Should I pray when I wake up? Should I read the Bible at night? What's right?
I've tried a lot of things. The only thing that really stuck was writing in a prayer journal every night. I read the Bible before going to bed, but couldn't recollect anything I read the night before. It didn't stick. Why was I reading the Bible? Was it because I wanted to learn God's Word or was I doing it because I knew I should?
After Steve Halstead talked at the Well last week, I've been struggling with this issue. His talk made me analyze how I pray. This lead me to analyze everything else I did throughout my day. I found my morning devotional was meaningless, my Bible reading was done out of duty.
I learn a lot in Bible study. That's nice but what about after? The next day, the next week? After study, I have a nice sheet with notes on it, but what do I do with it? Should I keep it? Study it? What the heck am I supposed to do?
I made an effort to pray more. That's helped and has been a sure way to get closer to God. I know that's a must. As a person, I like structure. I need to find a routine that's meaningful. Or maybe God wants me to stop relying on the things I do and actually start focusing on our relationship. I think that's it. That sounded like God talking and not me.
This whole experience has been discouraging and knowing that I'm such a newbie at having a relationship with God doesn't help much. But I know that God is with me through it all and he has a plan. I think it's helped me realize how lost I am without him guiding me.
God, give me whatever I need right now. Show me whatever you need to show me. Teach me whatever I need to know. Be my teacher, friend, counselor, father...be my everything, Lord. Amen.
i know its discouraging david, but it is actually a good dilemma to be in. think about it, you have always had this problem, and God is now pointing it out to you and saying hey lets fix this but you dont have to do it on your own lets do it together! something ive been learning lately is that everytime God points out a fault of mine it isnt something to be discouraged about its something to get excited about because its God's little way of saying okay now we are ready to tackle this problem together and now we are going to become even closer. so everytime you feel discouraged just remember that God is making you more like him and he is excited to work this out with you! yay God!!!
ReplyDeleteHaha, thanks Lindsay. I know God used prayer month to open my eyes and start a legitimate relationship with him. We've been hacing Father/son time and I feel much better. Yay being friends of Jesus!
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